Phew! Where do I start? No! its more like let's continue! abi? A blog from a Nigerian banker doesn’t sound like what “them professionals” would call an interesting niche. How can you when almost 90% of the bankers themselves do not know what a blog is? But hey! I am a banker. I go through the daily rigors of the industry where I meet customers who will tell me straight to my face that banks are thieves, all they do is take from the economy, bankers are greedy, bankers earn “armed” robber salaries (please to understand this phrase effectively, just commit an offence that will land you in the hands of the almighty Nigerian Police)
I am writing a blog because weekly I encounter high mini skirted and heavily made up chicks who struggle with me for accounts and eventually win the accounts cos they have something extra which I don’t. (their friendliness)This is despite the fact that I think I have more upstairs than they do.
I am writing this because like you I know the monthly stress we go through when preparing for MPR and the trauma that goes with it when your figures do not reflect what you swore to your Oga that you will do this month at the last MPR. This is despite the fact that the Oga as a General in battle equipped you with dane guns to jaw-jaw with foes who are armed with Kalashnikovs, Mack Tens and M16’s and Uzzi's. It’s just like giving a poor peasant farmer a sickle to harvest cocoa pods with instead of a go-to-hell.
This blog will be active with my thoughts because like you I have enjoyed the feeling of pride that comes when you are introduced to daughters of eve and sons of Adam whose faces light up with maximum respect when you are introduced to them as a banker, not knowing the fact that the Car loan you took from the bank, the upfront and other advances you were granted have put you at a Six digit negative net worth which worries you daily more than the unmet targets they all know about.
Do you remember that sticker for lawyers which says “wetin dey do Lawyers self?” It inspired me to ask “Wetin bankers dey do with their money self? We are always broke, we are well paid, we are always borrowing. Ah ah na wetin. I know how sweet it is to bask in the euphoria that comes with the deceit around the job. Chauffeur driven cars, nights in 3- star hotels (that’s if our hotels have any stars at all) babes who scribble their phone numbers on cash wrappers and pass them to you winking “this is my number” When you did not even say Hi! to them and also guys who do all they can to get a female banker to say “yes” to their desires for friendship but run off as soon as they discover that “baby ba cash” (Baby has no cash to spread around)
In this life I have also come across female colleagues that will worried your ears with “please marry me” and just when you are about to get serious, you discover that she has already concluded arrangements to get married to another colleague in the thick rain forests of Abia state. How did I discover? A sympathiser showed me pictures of her feeding the guy gallons of palm wine as a sign of love. The guy in his drunken stupor agreed to marry her. Ah ah banker’s self, we have graduated to higher levels to get things done! Life can be more fun for us.
If something happens to you and you want to share with me, please send it via email to abankerslife@yahoo.com Comments to my postings are welcome. Tell a friend about this blog and see ya next week. Oooppps, lest I forget, I had to change banks towards the end of last year…. Want to know the reason? Nooo wahala, I will be here next week to give you the jist …… Ooppps that’s my new boss calling. I just resumed and am at less than 10% of my target of N700 Million 6 month target. God dey………
Next week I will tell you about how I have been pursuing MEND (Movement for Emancipation of the Niger Delta) account.......and the effect it will have on my bottomline once I am successful.
One last word:Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back
I am writing a blog because weekly I encounter high mini skirted and heavily made up chicks who struggle with me for accounts and eventually win the accounts cos they have something extra which I don’t. (their friendliness)This is despite the fact that I think I have more upstairs than they do.
I am writing this because like you I know the monthly stress we go through when preparing for MPR and the trauma that goes with it when your figures do not reflect what you swore to your Oga that you will do this month at the last MPR. This is despite the fact that the Oga as a General in battle equipped you with dane guns to jaw-jaw with foes who are armed with Kalashnikovs, Mack Tens and M16’s and Uzzi's. It’s just like giving a poor peasant farmer a sickle to harvest cocoa pods with instead of a go-to-hell.
This blog will be active with my thoughts because like you I have enjoyed the feeling of pride that comes when you are introduced to daughters of eve and sons of Adam whose faces light up with maximum respect when you are introduced to them as a banker, not knowing the fact that the Car loan you took from the bank, the upfront and other advances you were granted have put you at a Six digit negative net worth which worries you daily more than the unmet targets they all know about.
Do you remember that sticker for lawyers which says “wetin dey do Lawyers self?” It inspired me to ask “Wetin bankers dey do with their money self? We are always broke, we are well paid, we are always borrowing. Ah ah na wetin. I know how sweet it is to bask in the euphoria that comes with the deceit around the job. Chauffeur driven cars, nights in 3- star hotels (that’s if our hotels have any stars at all) babes who scribble their phone numbers on cash wrappers and pass them to you winking “this is my number” When you did not even say Hi! to them and also guys who do all they can to get a female banker to say “yes” to their desires for friendship but run off as soon as they discover that “baby ba cash” (Baby has no cash to spread around)
In this life I have also come across female colleagues that will worried your ears with “please marry me” and just when you are about to get serious, you discover that she has already concluded arrangements to get married to another colleague in the thick rain forests of Abia state. How did I discover? A sympathiser showed me pictures of her feeding the guy gallons of palm wine as a sign of love. The guy in his drunken stupor agreed to marry her. Ah ah banker’s self, we have graduated to higher levels to get things done! Life can be more fun for us.
If something happens to you and you want to share with me, please send it via email to abankerslife@yahoo.com Comments to my postings are welcome. Tell a friend about this blog and see ya next week. Oooppps, lest I forget, I had to change banks towards the end of last year…. Want to know the reason? Nooo wahala, I will be here next week to give you the jist …… Ooppps that’s my new boss calling. I just resumed and am at less than 10% of my target of N700 Million 6 month target. God dey………
Next week I will tell you about how I have been pursuing MEND (Movement for Emancipation of the Niger Delta) account.......and the effect it will have on my bottomline once I am successful.
One last word:Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back
1 comment:
Great concept for a blog, pls keep the posts coming
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